I’m 28, originally from a painfully small town famous for celebrating the mule and meth, now living in San Francisco where I have cultivated a taste for Blantons and Semitic languages. I’m a legal assistant while I figure out what I want to be when I grow up, how to make friends, and maybe bake a pie crust.

I deal with my soul-crushing job by spending my free time with the human analogue of a Great Dane puppy; he occasionally takes me fishing behind a Home Depot and endeavors to teach me how to pick out only the sexiest of produce. In my spare time, I dance badly, watch tv (Boardwalk Empire, GoT, Sons of Anarchy), read a ton, hang at the gym, and practice my Arabic skills on poor unsuspecting people trying to do business.